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Donnerstag, März 20, 2008

Securing Taiwan's Traffic

There is a German version of this article / hier klicken fuer deutsche Version
Fu Ludigel saves TaiwanMy revolutionary proposals to stop the Taiwanese traffic chaos once and for all...
In Taiwan Taiwan, foreigners are not aloud to interfere with politics. Attending a political rally has lead to police men saying to foreigners, they would be aloud to attend this political assembly only in the presence of their (Taiwanese) wifes.(Quelle: Forumosa.com).

As I woke up this morning out of a car sleep (my wife was driving) and got a severe death fear instantly...

Ludigel (just dreaming to be in an elevator with 12 xiaojies who suddendly develop a severe case of textile allergy).... snor..

Car: hitting the brakes abruptly

S: oh ... the truck in front does not have any brake lights, oh oh ....

... made me think, I should start to interfere at least with Taiwan traffic policy. If it got me deported back into the land of Bratwurst and Broetchen (rolls), well, that would be even better... See my suggestions as below

I. Safer vehicles

Img.1: The all new Formosa 100 LS. This vehicle is environment-friendly and safe, which makes it totally different from Taiwan's car of today, which do not even have an exhaust catalyst cleaning device (as it is standard in US and Germany). Its top speed can be managed without any problems by any Taiwanese driver! Headphones are included, as oil for the axis is only available for the high-priced GLS version, for the sake of the environment.

These vehicles here are much to fast for the average driver and are available only for governmental / emergency use. The car on the right hand side illustrates a common problem of Taiwan's traffic of today: the donkey is sitting too far in the back nowadays.

II. Better High Speed Trains

The new (orig. Japanese) High Speed Train of Taiwan has its track directly behind my house. For this reason I would rather opt for this version (see image above). I could really live with a few melons rolling off the track. But.... um.... the train driver shouldn't be that thin... Make a note to establish a trade union...

III. Social side effects

As Taiwanese mothers-in-law are infamous for sucking all money from their daughter's husbands, I have a suggestion to put them to some good use. No, wait, my mother-in-law is excluded, she is real nice and always gives me fruit. The others however could be employed as Rickshaw drivers...

IV. Integration of foreigners

There are no special regulations required for us foreigners. As usual, we will integrate ourselves smoothly into Taiwan's traffic and will be virtually invisible...

V. Special regulations for military
Barrack gates will be refurbished to have the classical looks as above. With so complicated gates, the average Taiwan military driver will never be able to find his way out, but that is probably better in case of a Chinese attack.

VI. traffic offenses

Traffic police will solve traffic problems discreetly and effectively, instead of sitting on their ... chairs ... in their police stations drinking rice wine or whatever and playing Mahjong.
As above.

VII. Payment

In my role as future Taiwanese traffic secretary, I am expecting 17 young secretaries, enormous payment and a cheer-parade each Sunday.

VIII. Final remarks

These effective measures will guarantee international recognition for Taiwan, which is what it misses so much right now.


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